A thing or two about my favorite shoes

I’ve tried many shoes before because I was obsessed with sneakers and I love walking. It is just like form of therapy for me. But growing up, I realize that I currently choose comfort over any kind of ‘stylish’ shoes. Now I’m facing dilemma because out of many shoes that I’ve tried, I only had 2 shoes that really resonates with me and they are no longer available in store.

You know that no matter how good quality the shoes is, it will worn out over time. It makes me realize two things about shoes now.

When you found your perfect fit shoes, stock up. even if it’s only 2 pairs.
Maintain your shoes!!! I mean the sole, the stitching, etc.

I didn’t realize this before, I only take care of my shoes by washing it if it’s dirty or drying it if it went through the rain with me, stuffs like that, no specialty. Now I regret it because I started to go aimless walking again and my shoes started to broke down. There’s hole in it and the sole no longer qualified to support my walking distance.

Okay let’s talk about the shoes that I love the most. It is Adidas Honey and Nike Kaishi.

1. Adidas honey stripes blue denim low

I got this shoes during my high school years or early college years in 2011/2012 and managed to wear it until 2018. This shoes is like a best friend to me, it’s light, fun, and makes me comfortable during walking or traveling. Literally the best for daily shoes. it’s also felt very soft on my feet. Sadly, they no longer have it in store but I guess they changed the name to adidas Nizza or something. My adidas honey sole was already slippery and the stitches already worn out. I still have hope to somehow fix it tho because like I said, this shoes is like a best friend to me.

2. Nike Kaishi 2.0 black

I got nike kaishi during my last year of college in 2017. I also got a jordan in university blue color with it but I wore this nike kaishi more because I walk a lot during my last year of college. It’s really convenient to go here and there in this shoes. It’s super comfortable and it feels like it’s hugging your feet. I also had trouble with callus before because I wore many flat-sole shoes during my college days so my doctor recommended to wear more running shoes because it’s soft and bouncy. I added an orthopedic insole in this shoes as well.

I continue to wear it during my first working days and when I get into uni to pursue my masters degree. Safe to say that this shoes has been through thick and thin with me and witness my milestones. But in the middle of 2019 the glue in the sole starting to separated from the body so I have to get it repaired and stitch around the sole to tighten it back to continue to wear it. The sole reparation last long until now but I have minor accident in 2022 when I ride motorcycle and it caused holes in the shoes!!!! It made me devastated but I kinda grateful because it’s only 2 small holes. Last week, I contacted some of local shoe reparation stores and most of them cannot do anything about it 😦

However, there’s a youtube channel that kinda help and made me want to give it a shot, here it is:

Also this morning one of the nearest reparation store just contact me again that they can try to fix that but no promise, it’s also quite cheap for the reparation price so I guess it’s worth to try. I’m going there today, wish me luck guys!! And if you got any recommendation for daily shoes that comfortable for walk/run please let me know! Thank you

A letter to younger me

Dear C,

I’m not the type to cry over a filter on tiktok but here I am. You know C, there’s a trend on tiktok right now there that you posted video of yourself and there’s also a video of you in filter that looks like when you were a teenager. It’s exactly looks like you in highschool, 15-16 years old. I didn’t cry, well, almost. I want to hug you.

I’m sorry you have to go through it all. I’m sorry for everything. I’m proud that you find the courage to do the right thing, over and over again. I’m proud that you choose the right thing even when it’s hard, even when you fail but you don’t hesitate to try again, in the midst of depression and anxiety that keeps kicking you down, you rise up and try again. I’m proud of you.

I’m proud with who you are becoming right now. We did this and don’t worry, we can always try again to be better everyday. Please forgive yourself. I’m sorry about the past, there’s nothing I can do about it but I promise I’ll do anything to pave the way for your future. I want you to be happy. I want you to feel calm. I want you to be free again. I want you to feel that it’s okay to try new things or buy all the bratz and barbie or clothes that you want, I want you to feel that capability and possibility to grow to the person you want to be again or go anywhere you want. I want you to know that I’ll always love you despite everything. I’ll stop at nothing to achieve that state again. We can do it C, we can ace our life!

Love,

Your 28 y.o self

Happiness

Blink 182 Coachella performance. Makes my heart full ❤️

Thank you Blink 182.

The Joy of Waking Up Early

I always woke up at 4 am before without an alarm. I started this habit in high school because I need an extra time to calm down. But recently, in 2021 I think, I started to woke up late. It filled me with a lot of anxiety and rush, which the things that I don’t like.

Now in Ramadhan, we are waking up early again for suhoor. It’s help me to get back on track again to wake up early. Since I moved back to live with my parents, they kinda take care of the suhoor meal so I could wake up around 3.30-4.00. The problem is, after suhoor usually I sleep again to help me recharge before work. But at least I try to pick up this habit again.

Today I woke up early again without alarm and just enjoy my time alone before everyone else wake up. It’s very calming to sit in the silence. I hope I can continue to wake up at 4am for the rest of the year. It helps me to think positively and clearly, to help me making better decision and execute plans. But the most important thing is to help me calm down.

How do you handle this if you were me

Hi everyone!! How was your day?

Earlier this year my blog finally turned 10 years old!! I’m so grateful that I keep this blog and this blog is one of the most important part of my growing up journey.

These past 5 days I’ve been staying at home, bedrest, work is kinda slow this week so I could work from home. I’m not gonna lie, things has been hard, I wrote on my previous post that I got very toxic coworker right now and to be honest, I’m angry. Because first, I couldn’t do anything about it, second, my manager also don’t give a fuck about this situation. It feels like she only depends on me in work and she doesn’t care about that other coworker of mine that doing whatever the hell she wants, as long as I keep the office going.

The reason why I took a break is because my eczema been flared up badly. It’s been flare up very often this past 6 months, I only could have normal skin for like 3 days every months. I didn’t get my period last month also which means there’s something about my hormonal imbalance that triggering my eczema due to stress, stress with work and stress with toxic coworkers. That’s why, I took bed rest this week, and there’s a lot of improvement on my skin these past 5 days.

I don’t want to talk about it to the people around me because no one seems to understand. They said I’m ungrateful because I got a nice paying job and I’m still complaining. Bear in mind I actually love my job. I’m being sincere, I even wrote about it on several posts here. But since my coworker been toxic and another side of my manager came out, which means that she gives me all of her work responsibilities, and blame me if I couldn’t deliver.

She only came to the office 4 times a year (also my coworker only came 2 days per week, she’s gone wed-fri, then why the fuck I should stay at the office then). Also note that I handle her work without an increase paycheck, the only increase paycheck that I got is that I also handle finance (I also mention it in my post about career change) that means: first, I still handle my first job responsibility, second, I handle tax and finance, third, I handle my manager’s job responsibility as well. I talked about it before, but she didn’t listen and seems just buying time to decide. I’m practically running the office right now. So this is why it seems like I couldn’t do anything about it. Well I did applying to another jobs this week, please pray for me that I could get another better job with better environment as soon as possible.

Anyway, I told my manager last week that I took break because I’m sick, but I didn’t tell her for how long. Since she found out that I didn’t came to work yesterday, she texted me. To be honest, I don’t care if she’s mad, I need this time to rest. I really need this. My mind might handle all the drama and rocks that has been throw at me but my body can’t. It screams for space and rest. I don’t know if she will make the drama after I’m back to work.

I want to be healthy again, I want my eczema to clear up. I want to be happy again. Now I feel like there’s rock on my throat. I can’t quit yet, not if I don’t have another job to fall into because I got family to take care of. Do you have advice or experience on this? Please let me know

Hope you guys have a good day!

-C

Happy New Year everyone!!

Dear everyone..

Happy new year 2023! Hope this year will bring you abundance, health, and happiness!

I’m actually very excited for 2023, I prepared for this year since September 2022 lol. I want to commit for self care routine in 2023. This has been my priority because in 2022 I focus more on career and business. 2022 was one of my best year and in 2023 I want to focus more in self care and relationship. Here are some things that I bought since September 2022 as investment for 2023 and I think this could elevate your everyday life for the better, I’m not ambitious so I recommend only took small steps to built the routine, 1% better everyday, do not bore yourself.

1.Set of skincare and haircare products

At first, it was impulsive buying because I got pretty good price but then again it match with my goal to implement skincare and hair care routine in my daily routine. I’ve seen improvement so I want to continue the progress in 2023. My tips is you can buy the travel size first to try if it suits you for a week. if there’s no allergic reaction or there’s progress, you can buy the full bottle. Made the routine as simple as possible like no more than 3 steps routine, less is more.

2. Luxury perfume

I know I’ve been splurging on this one. I’ve never bought expensive perfume before, if there’s a formal event, I used my mom’s perfume lol. But the past two years, I’ve been going to many networking events and formal events, I guess buying luxury perfume made me feel more confident and more put together. It also lasts longer. I once spray it on my blazer and I forgot to wash it for a week and yes it’s still smell really good. Totally worth as investment.

3. Dyson Airwrap

This one is a birthday gift so I didn’t buy it. It is pricey I know but it saves time and effort to give your hair blow dry everyday. It also didn’t burn my hair, everytime I use it, it left my hair shinier. Love it so much. I’m still learning to use the curling tools but the hair dryer, brush tools, and blow dry tools works perfectly for me.

4. The things that brought me joy in childhood

Well, do you know kidult phenomenon?! Yeah I experience it. I think it’s very good and emotionally healthy to buy toys that bring you joy in childhood in this everchanging world, I need to have something that comfort me and it is my childhood toys. Oldschool barbie and kelly (yes I’m talking about the vintage 2000 era, the newest one quality doesn’t impress me eventhough I also buy it lol), Bratz, Sanrio stuffs, and Kirby, I bought them all. I think as long as you didn’t hoarding it, then it’s fine.

5. Orthopedic sandals

I’m always go out on the weekend last year and I always use sandals. I read somewhere that the flat insole is not good for your feet so I start investing in orthopedic sandals and I even bought the orthopedic insoles for my shoes.

6. Running shoes

Last year I only bought casual shoes and my running shoes already has holes in it so it’s time. I bought in December and plan to have at least one day/week to walk aimlessly because I always love walking back in the college days.

7. Good handbag

I’m not yet buying my first designer handbag but I bought a couple of good quality local handbag last year and I also got one as a gift. three of the handbag is very good quality and I can use it for work and for hangout with my friends. I try to not using backpack as much as possible or not carrying any bag as usual lol. I want to be more responsible for my stuffs.

8. Capsule wardrobe

This one I mostly buy it thrifted and the quality is really good. I recommend buying the neutral colors that you can mix and match everyday for work or hang out. I’m still building my capsule wardrobe, will give update about this in the middle of the year.

9. Loafer

I have one from local brand and this has been my go to for work and formal events. The quality and the comfort is top notch. I plan to buy another loafer this year to have more options to wear.

10. Self reward every weekend, just the simple things

I like massage, spa, creambath and I made a routine every weekend to get at least one of them. I also enjoy starbucks green tea latte or going to bookstore every weekend, sometimes window shopping. Just to unwind before starting work on Monday.

These are the things that I bought last year as investment for 2023. I want to share my goals for 2023 in the next post and also want to write post about the progress. Wish me luck guys!

When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?

Few days ago I was taking mental health break from work. Things actually very chaotic after one of my coworker resign. Not in work-wise because I can handle it well but in the working environment. Now I felt like I‘m working alone. I actually just realize another coworkers of mine are very very toxic. I was grateful for my mental health day that I took because I could sleep well, took a nap, ate all the snacks that I love and watch Hey Arnold all day. This makes me realize I need to slow down.

Okay stop talking about the struggle that I went through these past six months. Let me tell you my story. I went to Black Panther – Wakanda Forever movie exhibition in this one mall in my city. There‘s like an infinity room filled with this scene where Shuri explored the underwater with Namor and the sound is their soundtrack in the movie.

The exhibition is very short in time, it‘s around 10-15 minutes inside. But I felt very very calm inside there. I didn‘t want to leave but they wouldn‘t let me stay. Their soundtrack is super calming, especially No Woman No Cry by Tems.

Okay I was actually thinking about this one realization about me. I think most of my problems came because I was too friendly for the wrong people. I also can‘t stand seeing people being uncomfortable and really want to help them. Then I realize maybe it‘s just my trauma response. I really need to sit back and let people handle their own problem. I can only do so much but it‘s still up to them and it is not my responsibility, also the uncomfortable is good for their growth. It‘s good for me not too get involve in someone else‘s drama. It‘s also good for me to not get too close to other people. It calms my mind as well. I think this is my goal for next year: more detach, sit back, relax, and slow down.

Ya girl turned 28

Hey guys, long time no see here. Can you believe I’m 28 already??? I started this blog when I was 17 or 18 when teenagehood was such a tough time but fun and now, adulthood kinda boring but you got more options to live your life. I made this blog to keep things on the right perspective. A lot of things change and I’ve been very busy lately. I’ve been burnt out (that’s for another story) and heartbroken about some things but it’s okay. I’ve met some people that I’ve been wondering if I could meet them in person, and suddenly I met them out of nowhere, in a wedding, in a business luncheon, dinner event.

I wrote this as a reminder for myself that it’s okay to rest, it’s okay to walk away when things no longer serve me good. it’s okay to stand up for myself even when everyone around me tried to bring me down. it’s okay. I got my own back. it’s really important to be discipline (as someone who always late, this realization is big thing), time and self care is very important, you can get the money back in some way. Use your time wisely and choose your people. Seriously do not afraid to leave certain people if they drained you and not genuinely love you. it’s okay.

Do not waste your youth wandering if you are good enough, well, you are always enough. there will always be the way. you are okay. you are fine, you are enough. Leave room for magic to happen, it will happen you gotta trust it.

Happiness and career change

It started with monthly finance report. Well, I have to check monthly finance report of this one company. I couldn’t spill the full story yet (I will, someday, because everything intertwined) but I found one mistake and this one mistake leads to the need to change the whole system. They even had midnight meeting with everyone to address the issues. Sorry guys…

It brings realization to me that I might be good at this. Well, accounting was my favorite subject since middle school, maybe because my teacher was really good. She knows how to simplify complicated subject. That’s why I always got perfect score on accounting back in school. Why I didn’t study accounting in university??!!! WHY I DIDN’T PURSUE CAREER ON ACCOUNTING THEN??!!! AAAAA!!

Okay I said that I have to check monthly finance report of one company before, no I’m not work as accountant in that company, but let’s just say I’m helping a friend… but why checking that monthly finance report became the thing that I waited for every month??? lol I’m that excited, it’s weird. I can be laser-focus while checking the report and it’s hard for me to focus on one thing, isn’t it weird??

I’m thinking of pursue a degree in accounting or just get certification earlier this month and then last week my manager had a meeting with me. Guess what?!!! She told me to handle the company finance and tax too!!! well, of course they adjust my paycheck but maaaan, isn’t it amazing how things work?!!! I mean, I love my current job and have no plan to resign or anything but at the same time I’m really interested in finance and accounting, and the universe provide the solution!!!

Small step in a good direction, excited to see how it turns out!!!

The things that shaped me

The reason why I love Hey Arnold so much is because all of these characters just portrayed the strangeness of adulthood, the diversity of community, and the complexity of life, but somehow, Arnold and his friends just accept it and learn to deal with it. I admire their independence and how they always find their way in that complexity of life. When I was 12 or just entering middle school, my parents started to let me be more independent, they let me went out with my friends or just by myself. The thing is, I was brave because I watched Arnold and his friends are able to go everywhere, take the bus or train by themselves, and I want to be like that. They are making it easier for me to live in the city because they are portraying independent kids living in the city. And my favorite character of them all? of course, Helga Pataki! My friends called me weird because I like the antagonist character but if you look closely, you’ll see how strong Helga is and how soft she could be!

Another show that I love is of course, The Wild Thornberrys!!! The story is about a family that lives in a caravan and always on the moves to the most beautiful places on earth to film about animals!!! I was dreaming to have their caravan and work in Natgeo or something to be like them lol

This video perfectly describes how I felt about the show! How I’m interested in their adventure and nurture the love of road trip visiting nice places around the world!!! how cool is that to have a chance like that?? Going around the world and work with animals? wow!!!!