Happiness and career change

It started with monthly finance report. Well, I have to check monthly finance report of this one company. I couldn’t spill the full story yet (I will, someday, because everything intertwined) but I found one mistake and this one mistake leads to the need to change the whole system. They even had midnight meeting with everyone to address the issues. Sorry guys…

It brings realization to me that I might be good at this. Well, accounting was my favorite subject since middle school, maybe because my teacher was really good. She knows how to simplify complicated subject. That’s why I always got perfect score on accounting back in school. Why I didn’t study accounting in university??!!! WHY I DIDN’T PURSUE CAREER ON ACCOUNTING THEN??!!! AAAAA!!

Okay I said that I have to check monthly finance report of one company before, no I’m not work as accountant in that company, but let’s just say I’m helping a friend… but why checking that monthly finance report became the thing that I waited for every month??? lol I’m that excited, it’s weird. I can be laser-focus while checking the report and it’s hard for me to focus on one thing, isn’t it weird??

I’m thinking of pursue a degree in accounting or just get certification earlier this month and then last week my manager had a meeting with me. Guess what?!!! She told me to handle the company finance and tax too!!! well, of course they adjust my paycheck but maaaan, isn’t it amazing how things work?!!! I mean, I love my current job and have no plan to resign or anything but at the same time I’m really interested in finance and accounting, and the universe provide the solution!!!

Small step in a good direction, excited to see how it turns out!!!

The things that shaped me

The reason why I love Hey Arnold so much is because all of these characters just portrayed the strangeness of adulthood, the diversity of community, and the complexity of life, but somehow, Arnold and his friends just accept it and learn to deal with it. I admire their independence and how they always find their way in that complexity of life. When I was 12 or just entering middle school, my parents started to let me be more independent, they let me went out with my friends or just by myself. The thing is, I was brave because I watched Arnold and his friends are able to go everywhere, take the bus or train by themselves, and I want to be like that. They are making it easier for me to live in the city because they are portraying independent kids living in the city. And my favorite character of them all? of course, Helga Pataki! My friends called me weird because I like the antagonist character but if you look closely, you’ll see how strong Helga is and how soft she could be!

Another show that I love is of course, The Wild Thornberrys!!! The story is about a family that lives in a caravan and always on the moves to the most beautiful places on earth to film about animals!!! I was dreaming to have their caravan and work in Natgeo or something to be like them lol

This video perfectly describes how I felt about the show! How I’m interested in their adventure and nurture the love of road trip visiting nice places around the world!!! how cool is that to have a chance like that?? Going around the world and work with animals? wow!!!!


Today was tough for some reasons that I couldn’t actually explain here but my college friends text me randomly today and I’m happy that they support me for this one thing that I couldn’t explain right now. I’m so grateful for my friends.

Okay, life update. Few weeks ago I visited the park near my primary school for a night sky observatory event, they renovated everything but it looks so great and modern. I am amazed of how quick the renovation process is. I also went to visit hyundai exhibition in the newest mall in Jakarta with my best friend and her mom, in the middle of the day on Monday. No I didn’t skip work, just escape for 3 hours lol. But it was worth it, it gave me energy for the whole week.

So, here’s some pictures, June dump, just like kids these days posted on their story on instagram~

I tried nice foods
I went to fun events and met new people
I went to exhibition and exploring new places

Another thing that happened is, I found this song and it’s very calming in every way and it also related to the park that I mentioned before because the band is the alumni of the school in that area.

This song is about sincerity and letting go. What I’m trying to do this past 7 years is just like that, letting go with sincerity. So it was very calming and I just realized that I’m already letting go today. Because I felt this peace and can laugh about it, I know I already forgive the situation and ready to take the next step.

The next few months are going to be super busy but I’m excited for the next chapter of my life. Hopefully I’ll find the courage and time to write it all here. Because I promise I want to documented my life for the past ten years in here.

April 2022

Oh wow April, wow. :’)

The beginning of April also the start of Ramadhan month. I didn’t fasting on the first week because I was on my period. The first April also I found my interest in a new sport. It wasn’t a popular sport here and I haven’t tried it before, but the first time I try, I know I’ll love it. I tried another sport before and all I want is strive to be the best, but this sport, all I want is to enjoy it and letting it be part of me.

This month I finally watched Hey Arnold The Jungle Movie , where he finally got happy ending :’) I also downloaded another Nickelodeon movie like The Wild Thornberrys complete series and also Hey arnold complete series, I plan to watch it during Sahoor like I always did back in the days, but I haven’t watch the rest of the series again until now because I don’t know why I’m sooo tired.

Okay let’s do a story time

It started with a baby-G watch. It was very popular back when I was in primary school, eventhough I only had one, but that watch was my pride and joy. I bought it at one of the mall in my town with my best friend Intan and my mom. I still remember that day to this day. I remember how I hesitate to use my pocket money from my dad to bought it, but you know, I don’t literally think about it at that time, so I went to the money changer and exchange the money from my dad to the local currency, and bought the watch. After that my mom also bought Intan a watch of her choice, then we had lunch together.

Now in 2022, I want one of that watch again, the color is white and the strap is rubber now not like my previous one.

I haven’t buy it yet, but I was planning to buy it with Intan again to reminisce the old time haha. I checked my whatsapp and it seems like she deleted her whatsapp, because there’s no notification of a changed number. So I went to instagram because we followed each other there. Actually we lost contact in 2015-2018 until I found her instagram in 2018.

Actually every Ramadhan, they always visited my house but sometimes when I went out to visit my family, the house is empty so we didn’t meet, but they always come visit.

Okay, back to the story, I checked her instagram and I remember she was posting ig story few days ago but I didn’t open it since I was very busy and only open instagram to check dm from my friends, but she often viewed my ig story too. There’s no new post, so I thought she must busy too with her new job. So I just scroll her ig and stalking her tagged pictures. I saw her high school photos with her friends and decided to check the page.

I wasn’t really pay attention before but I saw her picture on the recent update. But I still scrolling her high school ig page, I thought she was the admin of that page. I came back to the recent posts and there I read that it is the picture of her with caption of her passed away earlier on April. Of course I didn’t believe, it might be a prank, sometimes people pull of such a crazy prank, right?

I didn’t follow her sister and brother but I know them, so I searched their ig through Intan’s ig and I found it. Thankfully they didn’t private their account.

My heart sank.

I think the story that I saw few days ago was her sister making ig story on her behalf to sent the news to her friends on ig about her passing because her sister saved the story in her ig highlights and her brother making video of her photos throughout the years from childhood to recent, including the date when she was born and when she was passed away.

Like I said, this month is Ramadhan and I’m already fasting again. From what I’ve been taught before that crying can break your fast so I tried my best to not cry and be strong for her. I know she wants me to be happy because everything that she did whenever we spent time together was to made me happy.

I don’t want to lose contact with her family and I plan to visit her grave and her family house to meet her son and family. But like I said, her whatsapp is gone. So I asked my mom to dm her sister and brother to ask about her exact new address (because she only told me to meet at my campus and she will pick me up because it’s near) and her family number (to know more about the details). Yea, I couldn’t bring myself to contact them, I don’t know why, maybe I’m still in denial, or scared, but I know that I’m really sad.

Now I’m just remembering how fun our childhood was. I’m glad she was my first best friend, a real friend. Her family was just like my own family. I love them with all my heart. I even told my mom that I want to buy our old house back because it holds special memory of me growing up and experiencing all beautiful experience. But now I hesitate, am I going to be happy there or it will bring back the memory and I get sad because things are not the way they were? Anyway, Intan’s old house only one house away from my house, it changed a lot, but my old house stay exactly the same, they didn’t even change the fence. But the house has very good aura in it. I’m still thinking about it. Should I buy it or not?

Damn, I miss her. Does she know? My mom told me that the reason I’ve been thinking of her even before I knew the news is her trying to comfort me, to let me know that she’s okay.

I always pray that she’s okay. She will be okay.

Note: I wrote about her and her family in this post if you don’t mind checking to know how much she and her family is part of my life when I was in my childhood, it gave me goosebumps that I wrote it on April 27, 6 years ago

Thousand elsewhere?

I randomly remember about the discussion I had with my classmates back in high school. We were discussing about what if we don‘t know which road to take and we currently present with two decisions that we thought both decisions are equally good for us.

And then one of my classmates talked about just try doing good. I mean, we are humans, we made mistakes but try to do good, try to do the things that God told us to do. And I was confuse, what‘s the correlation then, and then he said that if we try to do good, try what God already told us to do, then God will take care of the rest.

I was amazed at how much faith he has. I mean, I always claim that I trust God but most of the time, I was stressing out about many things and often forgetting what God told me to do. Like I kept trying to control the steering wheel, knowing that I don‘t know what‘s best for me, I don‘t see the bigger perspective.

This year, I want to trust God more. I want to try to do good and I want to let God take control of my life because God knows best and God always on time.

It‘s better to choose God‘s way than being elsewhere


Hello hello

Jadi gue cuma mau cerita, seminggu ini gue tipes HAHAHA

Kaget juga sih kenapa gue jadi sakit mulu gini, gue tuh jarang sakit!!! Sesakit sakitnya paling diare, migren, maag lol

Cuma karena gue diteror pekerjaan, gue tetep kerja walaupun sebenernya udah izin juga. Ya ga berat sih cuma stressnya aja yang nyiksa HAHAHAHA

WFH sih cuma asli otak gue kepikiran terus 2 proyek yang ga selesai selesai ini. Gue udah mikir sampe headbang juga tetep aja gatau lagi. Yang satunya oke lah masih belum buntu banget nah yang satu ini nih, udah buntu dari oktober tahun lalu

Gue takut banget loh TBL TBL TBL

Tapi yaudalah ya. Mau gimana lagi, semua harus dijalani dan ditangisi saja seperlunya. Gue ngerasa tuh di pekerjaan gue yang sekarang, awalnya happy tapi makin kesini makin campur aduk dan gue ngerasa sendirian banget hehe ga ada yang bantu 🙂

Ada sih 1 orang baik banget Ya Allah semoga dia dapet rejeki terus

Jadinya gue ngerasa kayak lagi marathon aja, TAPI MASALAHNYA GA TAU UJUNGNYA DIMANAAAA HUAHAHAHA

Marathon yang ga sampe sampe garis finish gitu loh tau kan padahal kan seruan estafet ya

Jadi yaa lagi ngerasa kayak gitu aja sekarang dan gatau harus cerita ke siapa. Kalo cerita ke temen atau keluarga kayak gaenak aja karena mereka juga punya beban masing-masing kan.

Asli gatau banget harus gimana haha berasa balik ke 0 lagi gue sekarang.

Never Hesitate

Woi lah enak banget ini lagu

Jadi berhubung gue udah lama banget ga nulis, yaudah lah ya, gue cuma mau cerita sedikit aja. Hari ini gue ga kemana-mana karena… capek aja HAHA

Beberapa hari yang lalu, temen gue ajak gue pergi, cuma gue tolak. Sebenernya gaenak juga sama temen gue yang ini, karena dia bentar lagi cabut dari Jakarta dan mau balik ke perancis akhir februari, kenapa gue bilang gue gabisa ya? aduh gatau!!! gue lagi pengen sendiri aja!!!!!!!!! Tapi gue bilang sih kalo minggu depan gue bisa. Semoga jadi ya, terakhir gue ketemu dia November, udah lama banget kan

Pernah juga minggu lalu nih, temen gue yang lain ajak gue lari di GBK sabtu, cuma kenapa gue tolak juga ya, gue juga bingung sih, oh iya inget, jadi gue gaenak badan kemarin dan gue habis ada kontak sama orang yang positif covid. Jadi gue bilang gue mau swab. tapi bodohnya, gue malah ketiduran dan gajadi swab deh sampe sekarang. Tapi gue udah ngerasa lumayan fit sih, mungkin next week gue swab.

Udah lah daripada fafifu wasweswos gajelas, jadi sebenernya gue mau cerita aja. Jadi blog gue ini udah 9 tahun ternyata, mantap kan gue dapet notif lagi dari wordpress HAHA!!!!!!!!!


Gue dulu kepikiran buat keep blog ini selama 10 tahun buat liat progress gue gitu. Lumayan kan, ini udah 9 tahun. Abisitu gue kepikiran buat bikin blog lain yang gak anonymous, tapi masih rencana karena makin kesini gue udah lumayan jarang banget nulis loh. Padahal banyak banget sebenernya yang mau diceritain. Walaupun yang baca paling temen-temen gue doang, tapi cerita di blog tuh bikin tenang aja gitu.

Gue juga ngerasa progress gue yang paling gue rasain banget itu, gue lebih compassionate ke diri sendiri. Dulu sering banget keras ke diri sendiri, sekarang lebih ke semangatin terus dan ga ngejudge diri sendiri. Sekarang juga lebih ngehargain setiap progress gue, dulu juga, cuma sekarang lebih banyak bersyukur dan banyak yang gue notice perubahan-perubahan kecil yang bener-bener meaningful buat gue dan juga gue berani buat bilang engga dan bener-bener atur langkah banget dan selesein apa yang gue mulai. Pokoknya gue ngerasa gue on track banget saat ini.

Seneng banget gue, ada aja yang bikin gue seneng akhir-akhir ini, eh engga akhir-akhir ini aja deh udah lama cuma ga ketulis aja, kalo ditulis ya panjang banget. Tuhan bener-bener jawab semua doa doa gue, kabulin semua permintaan gue, Alhamdulillah

Oke lah, untuk penutup, ini gue kasih lagu yang semua orang tau dan ga pernah gagal bikin mood gue bagus, walaupun hari ini bukan Friday, tapi Friday I’m in Love!!!!

Well deserved holiday

It‘s been 2 years since I went out of town. Pandemic really stop me to go anywhere I want and changed all of my plans.

Actually I didn‘t plan for this getaway in advance. I even bought the ticket one day before my departure and do the rapid test 5 hours before my flight, that‘s how unprepared I was, but yolo right? (If yolo still a thing these days lol)

So as usual, I took earliest flight to Bali. It‘s been 7 years since I went to Bali. Life just gets so busy after that, I can‘t even think of get back in the water anymore.

There‘s no goal or anything so I just went to get some gelatos and foods, chilling at the beach, try breathe work, no rush or anything, just vibing

Eventhough my boss can‘t leave me alone but I‘m still grateful for this short getaway. The purpose is for me to remember my spontaneity. I‘ve been so stuck-to-the-plan person these past 6 years and my free soul is yearning for some freedom.

I didn‘t meet all of my friends who were there because I just want to be alone lately. It‘s crazy how I went to a lot of networking events this year eventho there‘s covid lol I guess because the government already lifted the restrictions, not all of it but it‘s getting easier for us to meet each other.

My social battery is too low to be around people anymore these days eventho I really want to meet my friends. But maybe next year when everything seems a lot easier.

I thank God for everything that happened this year. It‘s all truly an amazing year.